Supernova Nexus
by Vickerooni
Summary: ["I think dying like a star would satisfy me," she whispered. "All bright and brilliant and beautiful, one last hurrah before you cease to exist at all. And even then, others can see your light for a while, see what you contributed to your village and to the world though you've been long gone."] Summer lyrics contest, SECOND PLACE. KakaSaku-esque, AU-ish. COMPLETED.
1. Love is Evil

_Author's Notes: Heya! This is chapter one of a seven-part lyrical summer contest going on over at deviantART in the group KakaSakuDevotion. The only requirements are KakaSaku, and the relationship between them can be anything: friends, enemies, lovers, whatever. Read on to find out what they end up being in mine ;)_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoy! I've had a good time writing this, so I hope you have a decent time reading it! _

_ALSO, minor spoilers up to chapter 675 in the manga (which means the one that just came out earlier this week 8/8/2014). Just as a warning. You can read on and pretend I made all of it up if you'd prefer ^_^ It's cool with me, whatever you do!_

_Vickerooni out!_

xxxxx

**Chapter 1: Love is Evil**

_I am strong, love is evil_

_It's a version of perversion that is only for the lucky people _

_Take your time and do with me what you will_

_You know I'm ill_

Hit Me Like a Man by _The Pretty Reckless_

xxxxx

The bar doors blasted open as a flurry of pink and red shot out into the street, the sun blazing down on her desperate, upturned face. Angry tears formed in her eyes when a voice filtered through the swinging door after her, wrapping about her neck like a noose.

"It was never going to be you."

Sakura spun around to glare at him, at Sasuke standing dead-faced behind the bar before shoving her way through the crowd and swatting off the yummy smells emanating down the street.

Quickly she mounted the houses to the rooftops to avoid curious eyes and sprinted home, propelled by her frustration and heartbreak, the tears whipping soundlessly off her face. They formed against her will – she had been able to train herself not to give in to the weakness of crying, as showing any deep emotion was against shinobi code, but right then she felt an exception to the rule.

Two months had passed since the end of the war, two months since Sasuke was brought home and thoroughly interrogated. He'd been released to live in the abandoned Uchiha portion of the village if he so chose, albeit under close watch. Though he assisted the shinobi in winning the war against Madara, the wrongs he had caused in the past were still fresh enough wounds to warrant some distrust. Still, he had yet to cause any more trouble, as much as he hated being followed around.

Sakura, and Team 7 as a whole, were relieved to have him back in Konoha, and Sakura had reverted back to her younger self, rapidly growing infatuated with Sasuke again. Naruto of course didn't approve of it and Kakashi remained reserved though wary. Sakura brushed off any of their words of warning and began attempting to rekindle what might have been there before Sasuke went rogue.

Unsurprisingly, it blew up in her face. Sasuke toyed with her emotions for a while, luring her into fooling around with him in the alley behind the bar, and in her little lovesick mind, progress was progress, even if all he ever did was feel her up and make out with her when he wanted to. Hardly any words were ever exchanged. That should have been her first red flag, but she ignored it.

Moments before she slammed through the doors of the bar, she had plucked up enough courage to sidle up to Sasuke, working as the bartender, and ask him exactly what their relationship was and where it might be going. With his typical dead expression and blank eyes, he told her he'd chosen Karin to be the one to help him breathe new life into the Uchiha name. (He of course never spoke of "girlfriends" or marriage – "child bearer" was about as close as he would ever get to such names.)

Her brain couldn't compute the blatant error. She asked him to repeat himself, and then it clicked. He didn't want her. He didn't _want her._

She'd flung a few colorful insults his way and promptly stormed out, though her emotions were a knotted mess and she was feeling nowhere near as confident as her words had made her seem. In that moment, she'd almost rather have gone back to fight in the shinobi war all over again than hear Sasuke utter those seven words, each a sure strike on the chisel poised at the center of her heart. He'd made his decision and she was a helpless ragdoll beneath the churning waves of the aftermath he had so carelessly discarded her in.

_What an ass! _she exclaimed in her mind through clenched teeth as she sprang from roof to roof. She might have felt at least a little better if he had showed even the slightest modicum of reluctance or even regret. But no, she would never be so lucky; from the very beginning he had decided, and that decision only included her as his temporary plaything, tossed aside once he grew bored with whatever game he was playing.

Her initial shock and sorrow began boiling into steaming rage just as she arrived, sniffly and deflated, at the end of the footpath to her apartment. A sudden blur of blue caught the corner of her eye and nearly ploughed into her, but with his trained reflexes and agility, he grabbed her about the waist and spun around her in order to displace the momentum. He dropped his hands and she blinked at him in surprise. Hurriedly she scraped off her sad-sack, vengeful expression combo and pasted on a slightly happier one. It was a feeble attempt, though, since this man had known her for most of her life.

Though she didn't know it, he had already guessed in his head, and guessed correctly, what had caused her mood. He figured it better not to bring it up.

"Kaka-sensei, I didn't know you were a mailman," Sakura chirped as it dawned on her why he was wearing a giant sack slung over his shoulder and clutched a few pieces of mail addressed to her in his gloved hand. "It's been a long time, hasn't it? Since the end of the war?"

Kakashi nodded and placed her mail in her hand before pushing his own hands into his pockets. _Typical_.

"You've been stuck in long shifts at the hospital, I've been stuck in the mail routes – we generally wouldn't cross paths."

Sakura agreed with a small nod and a twisted lip.

"Can't complain about the work environment, though some of the poor bastards I see on a daily basis are still recovering from their part in the war. Speaking of recovery, how's your…?" she inquired, motioning generally to his eyes.

"My new sharingans are good, less headaches and less bleeding. It's strange, having both – before when I had only one I didn't realize just how unbalanced I felt. Having both makes things much easier." Kakashi rubbed his right eye (the newest sharingan) and blinked, training it again on her visage. Obviously his body wasn't quite used to having two sharingans yet, either.

Sakura laughed and nodded. "Well the medics at the hospital thank you. I'm not sure how many times we have written on your report that you came in with blood spewing from your eyes. You know, you used to cause so many messes, Kakashi," Sakura teased.

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally. "Nothing I could do. I'm certain that you'd rather clean me up than deal with what put me in that state anyway, so I was doing you a favor. It seems I failed to dedicate enough time to teaching you three how to be gracious." He sighed in a defeated way and slumped his shoulders even further. Sakura managed to resist the flinch that even indirectly bringing up Sasuke caused. She could very easily confirm for Kakashi just how ungrateful and selfish he was, but she held her tongue and took the safer route.

"Eh, is Naruto driving Tsunade crazy?"

"If he wasn't such an outstanding candidate to succeed her as Hokage, she'd have thrown him from the heads long ago. I hear he is being groomed well and is enjoying it, though, despite his obnoxious tendencies." He ran a hand through his hair and began to back away. Sakura felt her heart sink in a strange way the further he retreated.

"As much as I'd _love_ to stick around and chat, I should get back on the route. Time is money, so they say. I would much rather stay and catch up – this gets so monotonous I sometimes find myself falling asleep as I run, but I can't disobey orders."

"Oh, boring, huh? Hmm, perhaps I'll start leaving little notes in my mailbox for you, you know, to make the day less boring," she offered jokingly.

Kakashi pondered this for a moment before giving her another shrug and smiling. "That wouldn't be so bad," he commented as he waved. "See you around, Sakura."

"See you, Kakashi."

With that, he jetted off, throwing the mail in the boxes and slots as if they were shurikens. Sakura's eyebrows rose in approval of his use of ninja skills in his mundane job. It would be such a shame for him to become even the slightest bit rusty. That thought became a springboard and off of it leapt an idea hanging in the air as a pondered invitation to spar with him sometime out on the old training grounds. It had been much too long since Sakura used her chakra for more than healing, and considering everything, a long, challenging spar would be good for her.

She unlocked her apartment door and tossed her things onto the table close by, welcoming the familiarity and comfort her small habitation brought her. Her mood was lifted by the encounter with Kakashi, and for a sweet moment she couldn't remember exactly why she was feeling down, until it all rushed back, and she recalled what she had been running so ferociously from.

A solid _thump _in the wall rattled the door as she slid down it, pooling onto the welcome rug, leaving the cracked drywall shaped like her fist behind.


	2. All Over the Place

_Author's Notes: Here's installment number two for the contest! Sakura's emotions are all over the place and Kakashi provides a much needed, very pleasant distraction from her thoughts. Enjoy!_

xxxxx

**Chapter 2: All Over the Place**

_Losing control, yeah, _

_I'm all over the place, _

_Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, _

_Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. _

_Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,_

_And I'm wondering what it is I should do,_

_It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,_

_Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,_

_Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,_

_Here I am, stuck in the middle with you._

Stuck in the Middle With You by _Stealers Wheel _

xxxxx

A shrill scream nearly shoved Sakura from the comforting confines of her bed, jerking her mercilessly out of the soothing arms of sleep. Her chest heaved as she sponged off her clammy forehead with the back of her hand before she focused her mind on calming her racing heart and controlling her respiration.

Tossing her legs over the edge of the double bed, she stared blearily at the neon numbers on the alarm clock. Three thirty-seven, it blinked at her in smug amusement. With a grumble she turned it to face the wall and got up to stagger into the kitchen, placing her kettle of water to boil on the stove for her morning tea.

She slumped down into a chair nearby and cradled her head in her hands.

Nightmares from missions ranging from malfunction to obligatory mass-murder had made their homes in her head long ago, but the night terrors she experienced from the war thrived in her sleep and ravaged the dreamscape occupying her unconscious mind nigh on every night. Despite knowing for a fact that Naruto was alive and well, she continued seeing his pale, expressionless face beneath her and recalling the intense struggle she felt in attempting to revive him, cutting his side open and reaching her hand in to restart his heart. She continued to unwillingly revisit memories of the fight and how hard she worked to keep her team alive. Powering through the burning acid on her arm and the stabbing ache of getting dangerously low on chakra. Through it all, she'd revived Naruto, saved Sasuke from the other dimension, and kept Kakashi as healed as she could. Still, the memories haunted her, sapping her of valuable rest.

As the kettle shrieked and she grabbed her favorite chartreuse mug, her lips curled into a snarl. She had done so much for Sasuke, not only in the war, but before, and that was how he was going to repay her loyal camaraderie? Tell her that from the _beginning_ it was never going to be her?

She ripped a tea bag out of the box and stuffed it into the bottom of the mug.

Sasuke was a selfish brat – that was for sure. She tried to rescue him when he was "kidnapped," she had trusted him when he was plotting to kill her (thankfully Kakashi was there to save her lovesick ass), and she gave her all to work and train in order to get up to his and Naruto's level, and succeeded much past any expectations.

Her firm grip closed around the handle of the kettle and began pouring the steaming liquid into the mug.

She should have left him to die in that other dimension. She should have left him to fend for himself instead of putting herself in critical condition just to rescue his arrogant ass.

The places on her arm where the strange acid had burned her tingled in the refreshed memory and she scowled. _And for what? Only to be rejected. You stupid, stupid girl._

The boiled water overflowed in the mug and it scalded her right hand. She tore it back with a hiss as rage swelled up inside her. She flung her hand back at the mug and sent it soaring toward the wall, where it shattered with a loud crash, all the fragments littering the wood floor. She stumbled back into the chair and cradled her injured hand in her good one, a dull glow of chakra surrounding the burn as she healed it back to perfect condition.

Hot tears again formed in her eyes, but she wiped them away with the furious stroke of her hand and willed herself to stop. Sasuke did not deserve any of her, including her tears. She couldn't show that his rejection affected her so much. She needed a distraction.

The notepad and pen resting on the small kitchen table next to her caught her eye and she lunged for it, scribbling out a letter with a kind of warm boldness pumping through her heart. Freeing it from the pad with a messy rip, she folded the paper up with a satisfied grin on her face.

xxxxx

A thick cloud of dirt and dust followed in Kakashi's wake as he sprinted through the mail routes, nailing every mailbox and mail slot without fail. His perfect record had yet to be sullied by sloppy form, and he was oddly proud of this fact.

The mundane feel of his assigned job was evident to him every day he slung on the huge bag full of envelopes that ranged in size and color. He knew in the grand scheme of things it was a helpful job, something of value in order to assist the rebuilding and restructuring of Konoha following the war, but it still very much lacked a certain excitement his missed. Missions, even some of the most dangerous ones, filled him with an eagerness that slinging mail could never hope to approach.

He flew around a corner at the end of the street and immediately spotted Sakura's apartment nestled in the row of abodes. The red flag on her mailbox caused him to slow to a stop in front of it, mild curiosity peaking his interest as he pulled down the door to reveal a naked slip of folded paper with his name curling across the front of it.

Gently he plucked up the note and obediently slipped in her few pieces of mail where the note had previously been, pushing down the flag and closing the door. He stood there in front of her apartment simply staring at the paper, a tickled grin making its slow way onto his covered lips. It had been a week since she had joked about leaving notes in her mailbox for him. If he had been honest, he didn't think she really meant it.

After another moment, he slid a finger into the first fold and opened it up, wondering what lay inside.

_Kakashi-_

_When you (almost) ran into me a few days ago, I hadn't fully realized how long it had been since we had even checked in with each other. It's been two months or so since the end of the war and I feel like a lousy student for not reaching out to see how you were, all things considered. So, this is me, saying that I'll be at the bar over by Ichiraku tonight after my shift at work and you are more than welcome to join me (which means you better come or have a good reason explaining why you can't __). First round is on me._

_See you tonight!_

_Sakura_

The decision was easy to make as he refolded the note and slipped it into his pocket. With the smile still hanging on his lips, he resumed his route with renewed vigor.

xxxxx

It took him neither time nor trouble to find the bar Sakura had referenced in her note. As he reached his arm out to pull the door open, he spotted a sticker plastered by the handle reading _now open 24/7. _Before the war, he hadn't been one to crawl through the Konoha bars, but when Gai or Genma got it into their heads that they needed a loud, drunk night out, they would drag him along with them. He couldn't recall if they'd always been open 24/7 or if it had been a post-war change due to the trauma many of the village's inhabitants had been through. After experiencing something like that for the first time, he had no doubt that many ninja would resort to alcohol as a method of therapy and reconciliation with themselves.

A blast of smoky air welcomed him in as the door swung shut behind him. He spotted Sakura easily (due to her vibrant hair color it was difficult to miss her) perched on a red-topped barstool with her elbows propped on the bar's edge. She was idly spinning her seat with her hips when he strode up to her and gave her a wave.

"Well if it isn't Kakashi," she greeted with a smile. "I'm glad you came, even though I didn't really give you a choice."

He shrugged and mounted a stool next to her. "I would have come without the threats."

Her smile widened as she inquired about what he'd have and ordered both their drinks. The bartender sauntered away and Kakashi angled himself toward the pinkette slightly.

"Sakura, why did you choose this bar? Isn't the other one closer to your apartment?" It was also better known and popular to the younger crowd, but he didn't feel the need to point that out. He watched her deflate a little and rub her hand in a self-conscious way, though he thought for sure these were things she figured no one would notice. Well, anyone without a sharingan, anyway.

Quickly he sifted through his head to find a reason why she would react in such a way and struck gold almost immediately. Sasuke had been assigned to work at the other bar as a bartender and that was his part in helping rebuild the village.

Kakashi sighed inwardly, resisted the urge to say anything about it, and rubbed the back of his neck. They locked eyes and mutually allowed the question to dissipate in the thick liquor-and-smoke scented air.

Their drinks arrived and soon conversation was back on solid rails. Kakashi went more in depth on his eyes, Sakura talked about her work in the hospital, and they both expressed needing to check in on Naruto and Tsunade, though they'd undoubtedly be incredibly busy at any given moment. Vague promises were made to contact them.

Sakura shared a couple comedic stories from the hospital and even managed to weasel out a chuckle or two from Kakashi. It felt incredible to laugh and warmed him deeper than his sake could go. He hadn't been given good reason to laugh in months, though he didn't dwell on that thought for long.

After a while the conversation turned serious, which was inevitable considering their shared history. They spoke of their losses during the war and paid their respects with a moment of communal, unplanned silence for the fallen comrades and innocents caught in the crossfire. It was an awful thing that occurred, but those that died did not die for nothing.

When Sakura begrudgingly admitted she should get home and get some sleep for work the next day, they paid for their numerous drinks and slid out the door into the dark, mild night air. Kakashi felt Sakura breathe in a huge lungful of the outside air. She turned, a little wobbly, to face him and he mirrored her. Her cheeks were flushed a rosy pink, which was amplified by her hair. Kakashi had never constructed a thought in his head admitting that she had become a beautiful, independent kunoichi, but in that moment, it was almost all he could think about. Her tinted cheeks only made her even more attractive.

The thoughts hit him as if a startlingly frigid bucket of water had been dumped over his head. Not only had he recognized her maturing beauty, he realized he was attracted to it, to _her._

He nearly jumped out of his skin when she placed a warm hand on his arm, drawing him out of his mind.

"Y'know, you seem better, Kakashi. Better in some ways since the war. Did seeing Obito again and putting things to rest with him help you with your ghosts?"

For as many glasses he saw her down, he was impressed at her speech, though he could tell by her asking that question that she was emboldened somewhat by the alcohol – it wasn't called liquid courage for nothing. She didn't know much about his past, but she knew enough to determine that his life hadn't been the greatest because of those things.

Kakashi decided to humor her, to give her a glimpse into his mind, which he rarely provided for anyone.

"Yes," he began softly, slipping his hands into his pockets and tilting his head up to gaze at the winking stars. "Yes, some things are a bit better because of that. I can forgive myself a little more now."

Sakura smiled and let her hand drop.

"Let me walk you home, Sakura," Kakashi offered. Crime rates had plummeted in the village since the war was over, so it was more a matter of being a gentleman than actually worrying about protecting her in the streets under the moon. Even if it was a worry, he knew that she was more than capable of protecting herself. Still, it was the polite thing to do (and he wouldn't admit it, but he liked the feel of her presence, and desired to elongate that as much as possible).

Sakura nodded and they wandered in the general direction of her apartment.

"This was fun. We should do it again sometime," she murmured.

"Mm," Kakashi replied after a moment. "We should indeed."


	3. Spread Your Wings

_Author's Notes: Chapter three of seven live! Kakashi manages to surprise Sakura and they both begin to wonder what it is that's happening between them._

xxxxx

**Chapter 3: Spread Your Wings**

_One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singin' _

_You're gonna spread your wings and take to the sky, take to the sky _

_But until that mornin' there's nothin' that can harm you_

_So, hush, little baby don't you cry_

Summertime by _Renee Olstead_

xxxxx

With a green-nailed finger, Sakura turned the page in the _Kunoichi Quarterly_ magazine resting on her knee and took a pleasurable sip from the chamomile tea steaming out of her mug. Right when she placed it back on the coffee table, a polite knock sounded at her door.

Her eyebrows furrowed together and she rubbed her eyes before glancing over at the stove clock. She'd only been home from work for an hour and it already felt so late, though that came to her as no surprise – there was hardly a day she came home from work _not_ utterly exhausted.

Perching the magazine facedown on the arm of the couch so as to not lose her spot, she sauntered over to the door, baffled at who it might be, and for what reason.

What she found on the threshold of her apartment wasn't the most shocking thing she could think of, but in and of itself, it was amusingly surprising.

Kakashi stood on her doorstep, looking fairly expectant. Sakura blinked at him, still attempting to process his presence. Kakashi decided to break the silence.

"Yo," he greeted, holding a hand up in a half-assed wave.

"Hey," Sakura replied with a raised eyebrow and quirked smile. "What's up, Kakashi? Oh please don't tell me Naruto and Sasuke got into a fight that's about to destroy the village again."

Kakashi shook his head, his shoulders slumping. "No, not at all. You see, I figured I would try something new for a change, something different. May I come in and…chat?"

Sakura's eyes widened considerably. He was reaching out instead of waiting to be reached. _Obito…you really did change something in him._

Finding herself again, she swung the door wide to grant him entrance and began rattling off the snacks and drinks she had in case he was interested in some refreshment. She paled when she watched his eyes land on the fist-shaped hole in the drywall near the door and silently thanked him when he didn't inquire about it. Her panicked heart relaxed in her ribcage only slightly, however, and evolved into a sort of butterfly feeling for some reason she couldn't quite figure out.

Kakashi chose the sofa across from her favorite chair and lowered himself into it gingerly as if to not disturb the atmosphere. He took in her apartment like a small child in a zoo for the first time.

"I'll have what you're drinking, if you don't mind," he replied in a soft murmur.

Sakura spun to shoot an incredulous glance at him.

"_You_ drink _tea_?"

Kakashi retaliated with a look of his own that clamped her mouth shut. Without anything more, she refilled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil.

"I've never been in your apartment before. This is all very new to me," Kakashi commented lazily.

"Well I haven't had it for very long and I don't get any visitors whatsoever, so this is new to me as well," she called over her shoulder.

Once the water boiled, she whipped him up a mug of chamomile tea, no sugar, as per his request, and meandered back to sit in her chair, handing him the mug over the coffee table. As he received it graciously, Sakura noticed his other hand was poking at the stack of notes he'd left in her mailbox over the past few weeks. Sakura's cheeks warmed and she felt a sort of embarrassment well up in her for some undetectable reason she couldn't quite pin and reflexively hid her face behind her mug, unable to comment on it without seeming girlish and stupid.

A smile brought up the corners of Kakashi's lips under his indigo mask when he caught her watching him.

"I've got yours as well. I keep them in a tiny inner pouch of the mailbag that's too small to be of much use for anything else." Kakashi took a hearty sip of his tea (through his mask, the weirdo), rendering them in a comfortable sort of silence.

Sakura tapped a quiet finger on the side of the ceramic cup and bit her lip.

"A mailman, though? How did you get saddled with that? Couldn't Tsunade have assigned you a job more fitting of your skills and expertise? There are still those rich old men who are paranoid of being attacked in their vulnerable state – you could have been a bodyguard, at least."

Kakashi shrugged, expressing so much indifference toward the situation Sakura had trouble seeing through it.

"It was just what had been picked out of the hat. Tsunade wouldn't let me choose anything too vigorous anyhow. She's trying to keep my occupied, but not worried about getting killed mid-mission, or anything of the like. A happy medium, as they say, and though I don't feel its very applicable, it's not my place to argue at the moment."

Sakura nodded slowly, the mug lip pressed against hers.

"Everyone has had to pitch in for the village, even in the smallest of ways. And she's right, you know," Sakura added cheekily over the rim of her mug, "to keep you moving and occupied though not with anything life-threatening or rigorous. You nearly died in the war due to the strain you'd put on your body. And you got your eye ripped out, for Kami's sake! This is the closest Tsunade can get to assigning you to permanent bed rest for a while, and since she knows just how well anything of that sort goes, this mailman job is working quite nicely."

Kakashi emitted a sigh and leaned forward on his knees, shoulders hunching over the mug cradled in his large, calloused hands (ungloved, for the moment, she noticed). She had given him the mug that said "coffee? – ninjas run on adrenaline!" It had been a gift from her father when she moved out.

As Kakashi stared down into his tea for a pensive moment, Sakura took the opportunity to really let her eyes wander over him, and found she very much enjoyed the look of him draped on her sofa, holding that mug in his hand. It was very…idyllic.

She blinked, taken aback at the direction her thoughts had taken. It struck her out of nowhere, though she couldn't help but agree with it. She couldn't deny she was beginning to like having him around; his presence was centering, almost, as if everything else in her life left her careening madly through time and space, but as soon as he stepped in, all grew calm. Sakura could forget about Sasuke's big dumb head and simply relax into Kakashi's aura. From what she could see, he appeared pretty content himself, sipping his tea and making himself comfortable on the worn sofa, which doubled as a hand-me-down as well as a housewarming gift from her parents when they got a new one.

Sakura's lips quirked up as she finished off the dregs of her diminishing tea.

"Thank you for dropping by, Kakashi," Sakura murmured. "This is really nice."

Kakashi tilted up his head to meet her emerald eyes with his matching black ones, and nodded.


	4. I Say We Lose Control

_Author's Notes: Sakura and Kakashi stargaze. (In which the title of the fic becomes clear.)_

"_Supernova," noun: _

_the explosion of a star, possibly caused by gravitational collapse, during which the star's luminosity increases by as much as 20 magnitudes and most of the star's mass is blown away at very high velocity, sometimes leaving behind an extremely dense core._

"_Nexus," noun:_

_ a means of connection; tie; link._

xxxxx

**Chapter 4: I Say We Lose Control**

_I'm never gonna look back, Whoa-Oh _

_Never gonna give it up, No-Oh _

_Please don't wake me now_

_I hear it calling _

_Outside my window I feel it in my soul (Soul) _

_The stars were burning so bright_

_The sun was out 'till midnight I say we lose control (Control)_

_This is gonna be the best day of my life_

Best Day of My Life by _American Authors_

xxxxx

Months flew by until Sakura and Kakashi saw each other again; however, their correspondence did not cease. They continued their trend (gradually becoming a tradition) of exchanging notes daily via Sakura's mailbox. They wrote about random things, anything at all: their days, the weather, the most gruesome injury Sakura treated that week, the most interesting letter that passed through Kakashi's hands, Sakura's record of how many patients she had seen and handled or healed during one shift, Kakashi's record of how many times in a row he'd gotten the mail perfectly into the mailbox or mail-slot – the list of topics was endless. They spoke of life, thoughts, the future – essentially everything.

Sakura realized very quickly that for some reason Kakashi seemed much better at written correspondence than verbal communication. It suited the situation very well, she thought, since they had both been so busy it would have been difficult to meet up and chat even just a fraction of how much they were in exchanging letters.

It warmed her every time she approached the mailbox as she was coming home from work to see his note on top of her small stack of mail. He wrote his on varying types of paper. At times she'd get empty envelopes covered in writing, or a little book of pastel sticky notes stapled together. She never knew what form the notes would take, but it always put a smile on her face, even after her roughest days. His note became largely a part of her evening routine. She'd sort through the mail and arrange them into piles of varying importance (of course his note had its own pile), she'd cook up dinner, and then read it as she sat down to eat.

One week she was having a particularly tough time at work and somehow came home to Kakashi's note feeling extra bold, having fantasized about his relaxing aura and craving his presence. She wrote a reply to his letter giving him a proposal for the following evening. She hoped he'd oblige; it had been way too long since they'd checked in, after all.

The next day, he appeared on her doorstep only a few minutes later than the time she had indicated in the note, which was a pleasant surprise. Her entire soul was set ablaze at him standing on her porch cradling a bottle of sake in his arm, as ordered.

She ran back in the house to grab a blanket and some cups and returned to him with a huge smile on her face. Even without any alcohol yet in her system she was growing giddy.

"Come on," she said eagerly, nearly tugging on his sleeve for effect. "My apartment may not be the nicest, but it's on the darker side of the village." Effortlessly she launched herself up onto the roof and summoned Kakashi to follow, which he did without question. She tossed the blanket out so that it covered a large swath of roof and promptly plopped herself down, motioning for him to do the same.

Kakashi watched her with a bemused grin hanging on his lips; her excitement was contagious, and though he wasn't entirely sure what was to transpire, he didn't mind it. Simply being there with her, seeing her smile, was enough for him.

She requested that he crack open the sake and he filled the two empty glasses. She held hers up in a show of elegance and he mirrored her with a questioning expression on his face.

"To what are we toasting?" he inquired softly.

Sakura thought for a moment before shrugging.

"To living life, and maybe enjoying it a little. To notes in mailboxes. To friends," she offered.

Kakashi's lip quirked up again on one side as he clinked her glass in agreement. "Very fitting. To friends."

After a couple servings of sake and much-needed re-acquaintance, Sakura laid down and tugged Kakashi after her as she pointed up at the sky. The last of the sake in his glass threatened to slosh out, but he slugged it back before any spilled.

"I was hoping it would be clear tonight," Sakura murmured. "Look at all those stars."

Kakashi had an appreciation for nature to a certain extent, but he was in no way a stargazer. It was not something he ever thought to do in his free time, which, admittedly, most of his life he didn't have much of. However, now that the war had ended and things had slowed down for the shinobi, he had a little more time to himself. Sometimes this was a bad thing, other times (like this one) it was a wonderful thing.

"Kakashi," Sakura rumbled from close beside him. "Use your sharingan and describe to me what you see."

He did as asked, deeming it a good idea himself, and felt his mouth gape at the awe before him. It was truly beautiful, the illumination the stars provided in their deathly brilliance, reaching forever and ever and beyond. His sharingan-enhanced vision revealed to him more stars than the empty spaces of sky in between. It was as if someone had clumsily spilled an open saltshaker on an endless piece of dark indigo paper.

He relayed all this to Sakura who hummed her delight near his ear. The pleasurable sound stood the hairs up on the back of his neck as he spoke. When he had finished his description, she sighed dreamily.

"I think dying like a star would satisfy me," she whispered. "All bright and brilliant and beautiful, one last hurrah before you cease to exist at all. And even then, others can see your light for a while, see what you contributed to your village and to the world though you've been long gone."

In her sake-drenched brain flew a bold idea, and though sober-Sakura would never think to attempt such a thing, sake-Sakura thought it a wonderful idea. Without moving her head, she crawled her fingers over to Kakashi's lying open at his side.

His hand twitched in surprise at the initial contact, but loosely curled into hers as she knotted them together. Her heart pounded in what felt akin to an adrenaline rush and the butterflies returned to beat around in her stomach, fluttering madly.

"How does that sound?" she finished, lolling her head to the side to gaze at his profile. He rolled his head to complete the connection and his eyes wandered deep into hers.

"Lovely."


	5. Dreaming About the Things that Could Be

_Author's Notes: In which a complication arises and something must be done. Only two more chapters! How will this end up?!_

xxxxx

**Chapter 5: Dreaming About the Things that We Could Be**

_Lately I been, I been losing sleep _

_Dreaming about the things that we could be_

_I feel the love _

_And I feel it burn_

_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive_

_We'll be counting stars_

Counting Stars by _OneRepublic_

xxxxx

Sakura grinned, approving of his answer, and he smiled right back at her. When he sat up she restrained herself from reaching out to grasp onto the back of his jacket, to prevent him from leaving so soon, prevent him from bursting the pleasant bubble they had formed around themselves.

Instead of leaving, he pulled her up with him and began to dance, on the comforter draped on her roof under the blanket of stars burning away above them. Sakura tilted her head back and giggled gleefully, counting the bright spinning dots poking holes through the blackness of the night.

She had reached out for his hand without properly calculating the possible reactions and consequences of such a thing, of the possible rejection and hurt she might had brought upon herself, by reaching out to him in a way that he maybe couldn't respond in kind to. Instead, he accepted her touch, and even reciprocated a little of his own.

Sakura couldn't say how exactly she felt; there were no words to properly fit her feelings and emotions. It didn't bother her so much, though, because there was one thing she knew for sure: she was _happy._ Sasuke had rendered her livid and distressed enough to cry – Kakashi filled her with contentment and she craved his presence. She figured that had to mean something, but it didn't yet concern her to delve further into her psyche and find out exactly _what._

They twirled and twirled on the rooftop and Sakura lost herself in it, uncaring of the small space they had as their dance floor, and she hugged herself tighter and tighter to her former sensei's body.

It was a rare thought for Sakura to wonder what lie beneath Kakashi's garb, but seeing as his outline was pressed against hers, she couldn't help but speculate. The only bodily contact they had was when Sakura's life was in danger and he was able to swoop in and save her, which happened a few times during the war. To press themselves against one another willingly was more enjoyable than Sakura could have ever imagined. It was a thoroughly relaxing and comforting experience and she only wished it could last forever.

As they danced, Kakashi twirled her before snapping her back flush to his body, a yo-yo he cherished much too much to even think of letting go.

Their pace slowed and when Kakashi's hands trailed up from her waist to her face, Sakura grew curious. His back bowed and eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in and her heart thudded abruptly in her chest, suddenly overflowing with uncertainty and shock. A _kiss?_ This was unlike Kakashi, to express emotion, to _feel anything_ and actively pursue it.

Sakura dug the heels of her hands into his chest against the pressure of him. Unable to push away, she lost balance, and tumbled backward off the roof with a clipped scream.

She jerked awake with a yelp, instinctively checking her head and limbs for injuries. When she discovered there were none and she had caught her breath, she hung her head in her hands. The bedside clock glared a mean 4AM at her.

She flopped back onto her plushy pillows with a huge sigh, pink hair flaring out on all sides.

_A dream, _she thought toward the ceiling. _Only a dream._

The strangest thing, though, was not that it had been a dream – it was that, in some part of her, she had _liked_ it.

Rolling over onto her side, she stared up through the only window in her bedroom, and in seeing the stars, fell asleep with a giddy smile.

xxxxx

The mirror above the bathroom sink reflected Kakashi's creased visage with a harsh crystal clarity that slapped him in the wee hours of the morning. His hair was sleep-rumpled and slight bags hung purple and shriveled under his eyes. His shoulders hunched as he stared into the irises of his double, blinking in sleepy expectation as if to draw out some sort of answer from this other Kakashi. His eyes flickered down to his right hand and he gazed at it, in wonder as well as hesitation.

In the grand scheme of things, it was a trivial happening. She wanted to hold his hand, for whatever reason she had, and he obliged. In the moment it didn't seem that strange, but now that he was back down to earth (figuratively and literally), he tried to scrutinize it for what it really was. The only problem, though, was that he didn't know where to begin.

He'd been taking much pleasure in Sakura's companionship – that much was blatantly true and wholly undeniable. The promise of her daily notes made his days brighter and the thought of occupying her couch as they chatted was a fond one as well. But what did it mean? Anything? Nothing? _Everything?_

Decoding emotions was never his strong suit. He didn't grow up feeling; he grew up fighting. He would rather ignore them and carry on with the important things in life, but he was finding that those two were beginning to collide and he could do nothing to stop it.

He liked Sakura, as a previous student and a seasoned kunoichi. But this feeling was beyond that. The trouble was…should he do anything with it, and if so, what?

He scrubbed a hand down his face and shuffled back to bed, eyes avoiding the clock perched on his nightstand, though the neon number were very tempting to look at. Sitting heavily on the mattress, his head tipped up and he saw the blanket of stars watching over the village. Despite the turbulence ravaging his thoughts, he smiled.


	6. Make Your Mind Up

_Author's Notes: I couldn't withhold this chapter any longer than I already have. It's getting so juicy! Neither of them seemed to know how to proceed from the point at which they stood together, balanced on the precipice of…_something.

xxxxx

**Chapter 6: Make Your Mind Up**

_If you can't make your mind up _

_We'll never get started_

_And I don't wanna wind up _

_Being parted, broken-hearted _

_So if you really love me _

_Say yes, but if you don't dear, confess _

_And please don't tell me _

_Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps_

Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps by _Doris Day_

xxxxx

As soon as Kakashi finished his last mail route the next day, he bee-lined for the bar near Ichiraku. His sleep the previous night had been restless and overflowing with questions; he desperately needed a drink or two to help loosen up his thoughts, hoping for liquid assistance in unknotting them and figuring them out. He could make rapid, life-or-death decisions while arrested deep in combat, but this, this was a battle he had never before set foot in.

As he ambled toward the bar, a tiny voice in his mind suggested maybe he wander to the other one where Sasuke worked, just in case Sakura was out tonight as well, but Kakashi waved it off. She never had much free time and didn't visit the bars often because of how focused she pushed herself to be at work – she had said so in one of her notes.

A sigh left him as he gripped the door handle and pulled. In the overall picture, things were going delightfully well; he was reaching out to his old student and she wasn't pushing him away. They appreciated one another's company and there was no doubt a sort of companionship brewing. But things, at least in his mind, had begun creeping toward the next level, and what that was exactly, he had no way of knowing. It was becoming a delicate situation and he didn't want to be the one to crush it.

The air from inside the bar rolled over him as he entered, and just as he was about to will himself to relax, he froze. Every nerve pinged to attention.

Sakura was leaning over the bar, her head turned toward the door, no doubt due to the attention-getting bell perched on the corner to announce each entrance. It was too late to turn back; she had already spotted him.

He approached her slowly, noticing that her cheeks were already flushed from the two glasses that now stood empty before her. She handled herself surprisingly well, however, when Kakashi entered into casual conversation with her.

Chatting went like it normally did, though Kakashi could tell, and he knew Sakura could as well, that something had changed in the air between them since last night. It wasn't so effortless anymore to be so unguarded.

"So…I…last night was amazing," Sakura blurted awkwardly after an uncomfortable pause wedged its way into their conversation.

He had been prepared for this topic to crop up at some point, but it somehow still managed to jar him on the inside. On the outside, however, he kept his composure normal and gave nothing away, which was a skill he learned long ago. His apparent indifference about most things kept many people from bothering him.

He had to formulate a response that wasn't a lie, but on the other hand wasn't too forward, either. What he resolved to say felt more like a lie, though, since it made it seem he was feeling much less than he really was.

"I enjoyed myself," he replied evenly.

Sakura stared at him, scrutinized him for an aching moment as if attempting to read between the lines of what little he supplied her. Hesitation was plain on her pink face, but he didn't know what for until she began to lean forward, giving in to her desire. She came close, so close to him, and they nearly brushed lips before she halted and drew away quickly with an incredibly embarrassed look on her face. She clamped herself back into her shell, away from him.

Blatantly flustered, she pulled out a couple bills and slammed them on the counter, mumbling to Kakashi that she'll see him 'round, and hurriedly shuffled out of the bar toward home.

Kakashi swiveled in place, watching her leave as his heart plummeted into his stomach.

xxxxx

Sakura shouldered her way out of the bar, sucking in the crisp night, letting it rush through her head in order to clear it.

Her thoughts screamed incessantly at her with every pounding step she took away from the bar, away from Kakashi. Some were scolding, others were encouraging, but she knew at the root she was ashamed. How could she even begin to think romantically about her prior sensei? What had come over her?

Still, some part of her wanted, _needed_ him to burst through the door after her and call her name through the thick summer night air, but he wouldn't. She knew Kakashi was not one to be dramatic as such. She continued to berate herself for first of all even thinking of him in the way she had just before she gave in and almost_ kissed_ him, and second of all for wanting that to happen to her, for wanting him to chase her down and tell her she wasn't crazy for feeling what she did.

As Sakura stalked home, she tore herself to shreds and attempted to convince herself she was just angry at Sasuke and getting with Kakashi would somehow get back at him. A large part of her poked holes in that reasoning, knowing that the attraction (_did she really just use that word to describe it?_) to Kakashi had no connection whatsoever to Sasuke's rejection. The past few months as well as her growing emotions were evidence of that.

Memories of those past few months rushed in and badgered her, like a murder of angry crows, pecking and jabbing at her with sharp beaks and claws. She was at war with herself and somehow she was also caught in the crossfire.

The familiar sight of her front door staved off the attacks for a moment, as did the promise of comfort that lay beyond it. She could blast some music, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed, seal herself off from the real world for a while.

The hair on the back of her neck stood up and she halted her steps a few feet from her threshold, her senses heightening. She looked up and found a dark silhouette perched on the edge of her roof, moon spilling across his back and coating his front in black.


	7. What a Lovely Way to Burn

_Author's Notes: And here it is! The final chapter! Let me know what you think – I love feedback!  
Love, V_

xxxxx

**Chapter 7: What a lovely way to burn**

_Oh what a lovely way to burn_

_What a lovely way to burn _

_What a lovely way to burn_

_And what a lovely way to burn_

_Never know how much I love you _

_Never know how much I care _

_When you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear _

_You give me fever, when you kiss me_

_Fever when you hold me tight _

_Fever in the morning, fever all through the night_

Fever by _Peggy Lee_

xxxxx

Sakura remained frozen and fixed her eyes on the black figure. Even without sensing his chakra she knew who it was. _Who else could it be, really?_

He gracefully leapt from the roof and landed without a sound mere feet from her, unfurling to his full five-foot-eleven-inch height.

"What are we?" Sakura asked in a small voice. It was almost desperate, how she asked it, not quite knowing the answer herself, needing some kind of guidance and reassurance. She remained in place, unmoved. Thoughts of a shower and sleep melted away, replaced by this much more pressing need.

"Complicated," Kakashi replied softly.

Sakura sighed and resisted the pull of his gently illuminated gaze. She crossed her arms over her chest as if to shield herself from him in her obvious vulnerability. _But isn't that what you want? _A part of her purred. _You become vulnerable to someone when you let them in. In knowing you better than anyone else, you allow them the strength and knowledge to either tear down your entire world, or help make it better._

"We've somehow complicated the simplistic," she responded, ignoring the voice. It was only purring, but somehow she felt as if it was still screaming at her.

"So it would seem." His hands were stuffed into his pockets and she couldn't deduce anything from his stance. Neither of them budged. A strangely unfamiliar nervous energy tinged the air between them.

"What do we want to be, Kakashi?" The words clogged her throat; she nearly had to choke them out. They stood in calculated silence.

"I don't know," came his eloquent reply.

"I'm not sure, either. I don't really understand myself right now," Sakura admitted after a sigh. Out of her periphery, since she still wasn't looking directly at him, she caught him nodding his head.

"This…terrain…is new to me as well."

A pregnant pause filled the space around them, encasing them in it.

They had made progress; they had both stepped up and confessed, admitting that there was something happening, though not really knowing what. But neither of them seemed to know how to proceed from the point at which they stood together, balanced on the precipice of…_something._

"Well," Sakura began, taking a hesitant step forward, "whatever this is, or might be…we could just take it slow. Our lives aren't in jeopardy, no dangerous missions are going to crop up any time soon to possibly muck things up. Under usual circumstances in our lives as shinobi, this would be even more complicated, but right now, we have the luxury of time. I say let's take advantage of it. I mean, well, if that's what we both want to do." There, she had done it. She had taken the initiative and made the first move, put herself out there in the face of possible rejection. Again.

Kakashi reflected on her words for a few agonizing moments, letting none of his thought processes show. He could have simply been toying with her, for all she knew – making it seem like he was weighing her words when really he was deliberately making her crazy and thinking about what he might have for dinner the next night.

_Shit_, Sakura scolded herself. _This is exactly what I did with Sasuke. The lines were unclear, I offered myself up, and he spit in my face. Shit shit, what if it happens again? Oh, Sakura…at the rate you're going, you might as well ask Naruto out and make it a whole set. Your forehead is big enough, you should get a tattoo across it that says "I dated team 7!" and go live as hermit up in the Yondaime's right rock nostril-_

Kakashi took a confirming step toward her. Her eyes widened and her mind went from zero to sixty in a second.

"We'll give it space and time, see if it grows," Kakashi agreed.

"No pressure," Sakura breathed.

"No pressure," he repeated.

Sakura looked down at her shaking hands in disbelief. _Is this what it feels like when someone accepts your advances? Like pure bliss injected into your veins? _

Catapulted up to a glorious high by his response, Sakura smiled shyly and took another big, coy step toward him, almost bridging the gap entirely.

"If it's not too forward…we could seal it…with a kiss?" she cajoled, somehow removed of fear and shame. _Adrenaline is a funny thing._

Kakashi didn't immediately react, in a good or bad way, and Sakura began to backpedal, flushing furiously. She resumed her self-deprecation in her mind as she tried to put a verbal Band-Aid on the situation.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, of course it's too—"

His lips, bare and warm, were on hers. She melted in the feel of him, closing her eyes at the pure felicity radiating through her. It felt amazing. It felt _right._

xxxxx

Sakura floated on cloud nine the entire next day at work. Her mood didn't depress even when a patient's leg, which was having trouble mending, spurted blood all over her face. Shizune was baffled, but couldn't complain about her revitalized work ethic.

She nearly skipped home afterwards, very much looking forward to the note that would be awaiting her in her mailbox, especially after yesterday. When she flipped open the door, there was only one piece of mail. No note.

She searched and searched inside and around the box, but came up with nothing.

Deflated and a touch panicky, she let herself into her apartment and stopped just inside the door, cocking her head. There was something on the dining room table, something she hadn't left there that morning. She approached it slowly.

A green mug, much like the favorite chartreuse one she annihilated against the wall many months ago in her anger at Sasuke, was sitting atop her placement with a note tucked inside. She warmed through immediately.

_Sakura, _Kakashi's messy handwriting began. Sakura had to repress a goofy grin threatening to bloom across her face.

_You always were my favorite._

_Kakashi_

_PS: Forget about Sasuke. He's always been more trouble than he's worth. Believe me._

_See you tonight?_

Sakura cradled the mug in her hands and smiled.


End file.
